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« The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers ». (Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part 2)

Your Honour, the People wish to voir dire as to what makes Mr. Dieudonné Happi uniquely qualified to lead the Comité de normalisation of the Fecafoot. The People remind the Court that Mr. Happi is a lawyer, an attribute that seems to be the sole foundation for his job.

The People will show that being a lawyer is an improper foundation as the job at hand, Your Honour, is no more demanding than building a better mousetrap.

The People remind the Court that the protracted process of retooling, revamping, redesigning, refixing the Fecafoot has been ongoing for the last 30-odd years. We remind the Court that this process has largely been led by lawyers and academics. The result, Your Honour, has been dismal. The Fecafoot is in no better shape now than it was 25 years ago, and appears to be broken beyond fixing.

Lawyers, the People hold, are much to blame for this predicament. And this is typical, your Honour. Lawyers have never been known either to clarify things or to make them legible to the common man. The People suggest that lawyers thrive in muddy waters. They speak and write in legalese, a language only known to them. They have no interest in making things easier or simpler. They would bend backwards to reshape the law for their interest. We feel, your Honour, that law was created as a never-ending source of employment for lawyers. And these people will take the smallest opportunity to make sure things do not change.

The People remind the Court that the last Comité de normalisation, a mere 24 months ago, was headed by one of our brightest legal minds, the irritable and largely ineffectual Mr. Owona. The outcome of that man’s tenure is lamentable and embarrassing. The People suggest that, even though the jury may still be out, Mr. Happi will not fare better. You do not need a lawyer to build a better mousetrap. You cannot build a better mousetrap, actually. Revamping the Fécafoot should not be more complicated than stealing from the best performing nations in the world and adapting the loot to our specific condition here in Cameroon.

Your Honour, the tongue in cheek statement by the wisecracking thug in Shakespeare’s Henry VI, actually suggesting that a world without lawyers would prove a boon to felons and ruffians, may hold water, but the People feel that, as far as the game of soccer is concerned, lawyers should be kept at bay. We therefore suggest that a more effective and credible Comité de normalisation be made up of : 1. a seamstress ; 2. a nurse ; 3. a high school teacher ; 4. an accountant ; 5. a journalist. Your Honour, the People rest.

camfoot.com

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